Search This Blog

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Observations in October - 2018 - #31Things - Relationship

Relationship is the topic for the day and I have been noticing lately how much my relationships have changed over time.  I really love my husband but our relationship is not quite the same as it was on that day in May when we exchanged our vows overlooking Lake Tahoe.  In some ways it is much stronger given what we have gone through together between his illnesses and having the children.    

My relationship with the kids has changed now too since they are no longer these little babies who depend on my for everything.  

Instead, while they still come to me for advice occasionally, for the most part they are all self-sufficient adults, making their own way in the world.  Sometimes days go by and I don't talk to them.  I know that's how it needs to be.

The relationship that is changing the most now though, I think, is the one with my mother and to some extent my sisters.  I wrote about the recent emergency I had with my mom on the bus trip and while things are calm now and she is going to be okay, my sisters and I are communicating a lot more about how to handle my mom and her care.  

Sisters Judy, JoAnne, my mom, me, sister Jaye
 (I never realized how much taller I was than my sisters!  This must have been in my high-heel days!)  

Since I am the one who lives the closest, it is becoming my job to go with her to doctor's appointments and the like.  Today she told the doctor that I was turning into her mother and that I yell at her!  The doctor told her to listen to me and that I was only doing it because I care about her. 

My sisters Judy and Jaye (we lost JoAnne several years ago) are taking turns calling her every day and we talk with each other and compare notes.  In some ways this is bringing me closer to my sisters since we haven't always spoken to each other on a regular basis.  Everyone says that mom really looks good for 95 (I think she was 92 or 93 in this picture) and it is true that she has not had very many medical problems until recently.  

Mom continues to say that she doesn't want to "bother" me with things and I continue to tell her that I would rather she tell me when she first feels something is not right rather than wait until an emergency room visit is necessary.  I try to reassure her that she is not bothering me and that I have time to help her.  Plus, I tell her that I am leading by example.  My kids are watching how I handle things with mom so they will know that when the time comes they may have to help in that way with me and their father.  

I want my mom to remain as independent as possible (she is still living alone and driving) but I don't want her to be in a position to hurt herself or others.  For now, we'll take it day by day.

Notice any changes in your relationships?  Have a parent who needs your help?  

No comments:

Post a Comment

I'd love to hear your thoughts!